everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
