smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
