Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
