This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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