Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
