yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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