Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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