i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
