how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
