I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
