your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
