Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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