At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
