like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
