we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
