They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize