dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
