apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
