I need to stop coming to work sober
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
