One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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