whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
