Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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