I should be sponsored by Trojan
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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