Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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