Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize