No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
