I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
