Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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