Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
