barbara walters just said penis...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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