How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
