Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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