I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
