I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
