After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
