I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
