R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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