first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
