i already hear my dad disowning me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
