I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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