Sry I called you an 8
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
