Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
