Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
