i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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