Moan for me like Helen Keller
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
