what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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