I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
