where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My ass is underappreciated
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
