Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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