Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
