hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
