I wish my penis had an off switch
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
