the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
and she was petting her beer can
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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