Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
