Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
