you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
