then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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