i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
