what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
