This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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