No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Randomize
