sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
