we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
