who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
not ubering you a puppy
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
