at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize