you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
