his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
