i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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