if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I met the friendliest cop last night
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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