Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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