Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
