Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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