If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
