somebody snuck up and got me drunk
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
