We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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