i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
