why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
They are going to name an STD after you.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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