We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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