the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
