Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
