my soul wont recognize me after tonight
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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