she was so not down for the gang bang
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
