Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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