please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
