it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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