Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
