yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
