i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize