And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
