I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
