his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
