god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
