I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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