so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize