and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Four minutes until I can fart!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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