i think my mom watched the whole time
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
