im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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