Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
