Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
