It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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