I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
