Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
