happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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