I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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