you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
