Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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