Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
