so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
