Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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