im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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