I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
