her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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